Since getting told I was getting laid off I've been incredibly upbeat. Some of that is intentional, since I know keeping out of depression is an important step when hunting for a job. (Or when doing any major life change, for that matter.) Some of it is just that I'm feeling so upbeat and positive that sometimes a small, cynical part of me wants to just smack myself.
Take today for example. I caught the grunge that's going around. I'm not really thrilled about this. I have better things to do than be sick. Really. Some of them are kind of important, like, y'know, finding a new job? Oh, and I feel cruddy. This is all not so positive.
I was pondering having a nice whine about it all. But then the happy chipper me reared its positive head. Because I wanted to get apple cider mix I went to the grocery store yesterday. Since I was there already I figured I might as well do the shopping for the week, so now I have a refridgerator full of nice, happy food. Since I wasn't able to find the cider mix at the store I decided to just make my own. Thanks to that I found a really tasty, simple recipie for apple cider -- and now I have lots and lots of yummy cider to soothe the sore throat and make the tongue happy in the process. And because of the sore throat and the presence of lots of food, I made a huge pot of soup, which I've been wanting to do for a while.
So I was lying in bed feeling rotten. But then the little happy, chipper bit jumped in again. I have a job that allows me to work from home -- from bed, in fact. Warm and cozy, what more could I ask for? Most of the work I'm doing right now is dumping my four years worth of collected knowledge about my job into the computer, which is something I can easily do with my eyes closed. Literally. So I'm lying in bed all nice and warm and comfortable -- with my eyes closed -- and I'm still working. How neat is that? I'm more comfortable than I would be if I were sitting at work at my desk dealing with all the unhappy vibes at work and all the worries and paranoia that that place inspires.
And when I do open my eyes, I can enjoy the work that my dad did over the weekend trimming the tree outside my room. My room is no longer a cave, and I can even see the sky from my bed. I hadn't realized it until I was missing it, but I am really used to being able to lie in bed and see the sky. Now I can. And I can see the humming bird feeder that I put up outside my windows. (While we were trimming the tree there was a hummer hanging around looking very, very distressed. We worried that maybe he had a nest in that tree, except that it's the wrong season for it. The tree is blossoming, so we're thinking that maybe he was fussed that we were taking away one of his favorite food sources.) I couldn't enjoy all that if I weren't at home sick.
I've known people who are always upbeat and positive, no matter what awful things are going on in their lives. I've always wondered how they can do it. Now I think I know. You just do it. Dumb as that sounds, it does work. Ignore the bits that are going bad -- who cares about them? They'll go away, or you will get used to them. Enjoy the bits that are good. And the more you look around for -- and honestly enjoy and appreciate -- the good bits, the more you notice other good things. People only do one thing at a time well. So if you're spending your time enjoying something positive then you really can't focus on something negative. It really is that simple.
(And all that doesn't mean that I'm just burrying my head in the sand. My throat still hurts and my head still feels miserable. I'm not masochist enough to enjoy that. I'm still losing my job in two months and I am still fussed about that. But I'm not spending a lot of time being fussed. And that means that when I do settle down to job hunt I don't have to waste time undoing or fighting through depression, frustration, and lack of self-worth feelings. Which seems that much more efficient to me. I'm still really looking forward to adding "enjoying wonderful new job that is located somewhere south of Redwood City" to my list of "things on my list of upbeat, positive things". Soon would be nice also.)