Me: So at least we caught the problem with the product before it went out to the Japanese.
TCOAS: Well, I hope so. I've been telling everyone, "do you know what the Japanese will do to me if they find this?" I'd have to commit hara-kiri.
Me: Well, if you do, I offer to be your second. I know the form for that.
TCOAS: So you're the one that chops off my head?
Me: Oh, no. It's considered gauche to play golf with your friends' heads. It's actually a very difficult form, since you have to just severe the spinal cord, but leave the flap of skin in the front intact. ... Sorry, that's more information than you could possible want to know. I'm a font of useless information.
TCOAS: Well, I don't know how useless it will be.
Me: I sure hope it's useless. Well, at least for you. I have uses for it.
TCOAS: You go around chopping peoples' heads off?
Me: No, I hope never to. But I am well versed in the Japanese word describing someone who acts as someone's second.
TCOAS: Well that might be useful sometime.
Me: Oh, yeah. Waiter, may I have a kaishaku-nin, please?
TCOAS: Hey, that sounds pretty cool.