So, my "oh, shoot, I'm about to lose my job!!" panic lasted for... well, most of the drive home. Okay, so I was slightly miffed about the whole thing while I was hanging out at one of my (now former) coworker's house. (They hadn't gotten her to sign something they needed before she left, so I volunteered to drop it by her place and have her sign it. They didn't figure out that she needed to sign this paperwork until nearly the end of the day. Isn't it great that after five months of waiting they are so prepared and organized?)
So, yeah. I shed a tear over my comming end with the company -- but only one. This job has caused me to cry so often that I don't see why I should waste any more tears on them. Instead... well, frankly, I'm excited. Hyper-excited. In that kind of "ooh, something good is about to happen and I'm looking forward to it sooooo much, I just can't wait."
As seshat pointed out, this is still all going exactly according to my plans. (Thanks for the call, hon. You really helped a lot!!) My plan since July* has been to wait until just before the deal closes, then start (just start, mind) job hunting. Once the deal closed and I knew that the golden handcuffs were off, then I was going to go into full-speed job hunting with intent to be out of there before March anyway. March, please note. April 7 gives me a little bit of leeway, in case The Great Cosmic Powers get my memo a little late. So, yeah. My plans are still dead on track. The knowledge of an impending deadline gives a little encouragement to stay focused on the job hunting. But then, now that the handcuffs are off anyway, that probably won't be too necessary anyway. But isn't it great that if there are days that I do need encouragement, there it is?
(* Of course, my plan previous to July was to kick the job hunt into high gear back in August, with intent to be out of there by October. So, really, the memo to The Great Cosmic Powers should have gotten sent out a looong time ago, giving Them pleanty of time to get things organized, thankyouverymuch. I'm really not that demanding, just timeline-oriented.)
Impending lay-off-ness also has some other advantages. I don't have to hide at work that I am looking. If I need some time off for an interview, I can just flat out ask for it without having to play any weird little "I'm going to a, uh, dentist appointment" nonesense. If I need to do a phone interview at work, I go into a room with a phone and just do it. No one sitting around whispering and wondering. We're all in the know now. It takes some stress off of me, since I hate playing the sneaky games. And it makes it easier for me to ask the people who I am planning to use as references, as they are also the people who are going to be most effected by my leaving. (I feel bad for them as this will leave them in an unfortunate position. But then, now it's not by my choice, and so it's no longer my problem.)
So, yeah. There is good here. On the other side, yeah, the thought of coming to the end of my little period of purgatory without another job lined up is a little scary. But I've run the numbers, and I can hold out for quite a while without any income. (*ahem* Rent aside, of course!) If -- and this is still a big if -- if I don't find a job in the next three months, well, the world still doesn't end. In fact, there is good there, too, if I choose to look at it that way. Having a little more time at home to finish painting or unpacking or cleaning up the yard wouldn't be so terrible a thing. I could stay up all night following rallies and still get enough sleep. I would have more time to exercise, to go on hikes, to hang out with friends. I have vowed that if I do end up with a period between jobs then I am not going to waste my precious free time in a funk -- I'm going to enjoy it, with the knowledge that I don't know when, but soon enough that time will come to an end and once I'm back at work I'll whine that I wish I had more free time.
All through December my motto was "Well, I'm one day closer to the end of things sucking. I don't know when it will be, but no matter what, I'm one day closer." Now, I know when that job suck ends. I have a goal. A target. A date on the calendar. After that date I give all the annoyances a parade wave and an evil grin, and leave them with a cheery "tell me how that all works out for you then, right?"
Now my motto is "I'm one day closer to things being really, really good. I don't know when that will be (yet), but it's going to be soon. And I'm one day closer."