"I don't mean to alarm anyone," I began. My boss continued walking away with an air of "whatever it is, I don't want to hear it." "... But there is a mad fake tree thief on the loose," I finished. I think my boss' double-take is one of the best I've gotten in months. The culprits have been identified, but the tree has not been returned. The wall outside my cube is awfully bright now that the fake foliage is gone.