I regret to inform you that today is not a good day to try and push all your work off onto me. While I understand and appreciate that you are a bunch of lazy bastards, I am, unfortunately, mired in both hugely important and time-sensitive matters in both my work and private life. So please, just for today, drag your lazy asses out of your chairs and (*$%@ well fix problems that are CLEARLY and OBVIOUSLY your responsibility, rather than forwarding all the poor, confused users to me to fix their network login issues. Otherwise I will be forced to tie your fat butts to your chairs (not that you are likely to actually get out of them in the first place) and force-feed you Peeps until your eyeballs turn purple.
The Highly-Stressed, Very Feral Sandpanther.