Sandpanther (sandpanther) wrote,

  • Mood:

F1 Personalities

This is a little weird... It was forwarded to me by my boss, and I think it will amuse some people here... Actually, the answers are so amusingly snarky that I would recommend reading them even if you don't know who these people are (or care.)

You're a big fan of Formula 1, you read a lot about the personalities involved - so could you work out what they'd be good and bad at in another job? If motorsport hadn't been their no.1 career choice what would these people have EXCELLED at?
For instance ex-F1 World Champion Nigel Mansell, would he be good as a politician? No, because he’d whine all the time. Would he be good serving in McDonalds? No, because he’d eat all the burgers.
Would he be good as a motorway patrol officer? Yes, he knows how to grow a moustache and he likes getting his way all the time.

So now use your knowledge of F1 personalities and pick out their best alternative occupation outside of F1 – beware of the red herrings. Once you’ve made your choices, click on the bottom link to take you to the answers page.
F1 Alternative Careers

1. Eddie Jordan
a) Time Share salesman
b) Swimming pool lifeguard
c) Gigolo

2. Nick Heidfeld
a) Flat racing jockey
b) Basketball coach
c) Club bouncer

3. Bernie Ecclestone
a) Second hand car salesman
b) Vicar
c) Something in menswear

4. Max Mosley
a) Customer service representative
b) Trade union leader
c) Railway station announcer

5. Michael Schumacher
a) Go Kart track owner
b) Worker in CD manufacturing plant
c) Snow-plough and gritter driver

6. Kimi Raikkonen
a) Lecturer in creative writing
b) Speaking clock announcer
c) Children’s TV presenter

7. Juan Pablo Montoya
a) Chess Grand Master
b) Bus driver
c) Waiter in a third rate tapas bar

8. Patrick Head (Williams tech chief)
a) PR representative
b) Diplomat
c) Newspaper columnist

Personally, I think all the potential other careers for Max Mosley are far too nice.

F! Career Choices - The Answers

Give yourself 10 points for every one you get right and see how far you get up the Planet-F1 table.

The answers are in bold

F1 Alternative Careers

1. Eddie Jordan
a) Time Share salesman - the perfect career choice for Eddie following his dodgy lawsuit against Vodafone this summer. EJ thinks he lost the case simply because the judge didn't like him. If that's true, then surely he's going to appeal and have the case heard by a different judge.
b) Swimming pool lifeguard - hardly a starter for EJ. The second he dived into the pool, he and his much-loved 'syrup' would be parted
c) Gigolo - Yeah, right.

2. Nick Heidfeld
a) Flat racing jockey - the perfect career for the man known affectionately as ickle wickle diddy widdy Nick Heidfeld
b) Basketball coach - nah, he'd need a set of step ladders
c) Club bouncer - he'd be great, providing he was confined to Under 12 discos.

3. Bernie Ecclestone
a) Second hand car salesman - Bernie is more Del-boy than Swiss Tony, he loves a deal and the feel of a big wadge of readies in his back pocket.
b) Vicar - Bernard is a great Vicar's name, but there's no money in the church.
c) Something in menswear - Ecclestone is the least fashionable man on the planet. And he still cuts his own hair at the age of 72.

4. Max Mosley
a) Customer service representative - the last thing Max could do all day is apologize and take things back. It would be like Dracula sunbathing.
b) Trade union leader - Max likes nothing better than a good wrangle with government
c) Railway station announcer - though Max would be good at putting forward thin excuses for why trains aren't running on sunny Fridays when the staff have bunked off work, there's no power attached.

5. Michael Schumacher
a) Go Kart track owner - are you seriously suggesting Michael would take over from his father Rolf? Michael is so competitive he'd be out there on the track all day, grinding 9-year-olds into the tyre barrier. It would be like handing a bar to an alcoholic, the business would fade away.
b) Worker in CD manufacturing  plant - a rubbish occupation for Schumi, he's always breaking records. (arf arf)
c) Snow-plough and gritter driver - with Michael's ability to cover the track with his schu-weaving manouevres, no-one could spread grit further.

6. Kimi Raikkonen
a) Lecturer in creative writing - Kimi's use of the English language makes Alta Vista's Babel Fish translation tool look almost gifted
b) Speaking clock announcer - to be good in this job you need to have no emotion and no inflection in your voice at all. Perfect.
c) Children’s TV presenter - an occupation where you have to be constantly up and bouncy and fun and joky and...

7. Juan Pablo Montoya
a) Chess Grand Master - Juan's love of intellectual hobbies is way up there with his love for banging his head on TV cameras that he doesn't see coming (there's a classic m.peg on the Net somewhere)
b) Bus driver - Juan likes doing it his own way. He'd be a friendly driver but he'd choose his own route.
c) Waiter in a third rate tapas bar - bags of charm, but poor delivery, it's what Juan's all about.

8. Patrick Head (Williams tech chief)
a) PR representative - a job that requires tact and not saying exactly what you think - erm, no.
b) Diplomat - a job that requires tact and not saying exactly what you think - erm, no.
c) Newspaper columnist - a job that requires saying exactly what you think - oh yes.

If you scored:
0-20 You are a pair of pants. If you're a bloke, you're a big pair of girly pants. If you're not, then you're David Coulthard's lucky underpants.
30-50 You are Toyota and Jenson Button - you're nearly there
60+ You are on the podium, you are part of the Big 3. You're also just as cynical as us!

I am, sadly, David Coulthard's lucky underpants. If you'll excuse me, I need to go do some washing now. *ick,ick,ick*
  • Post a new comment


    default userpic
    When you submit the form an invisible reCAPTCHA check will be performed.
    You must follow the Privacy Policy and Google Terms of use.
  • 1 comment